My Photos...My Sense of Humour...

 

Marketing are working on a new theme for the Tapas Bar.

‘Have a Shot & Fly’

Our Legal Department has a problem with this. Says it sends the wrong message.

Management say “We’re a f#cking Bar & they’re birds. What are they supposed to do? WALK home!”

There’s a rumour that the writers for Jurassic Park are working on another movie.

Jurassic Park and the Lost Pterodactyl.

The premise being;

When they locked down the Island of Isla Nublar, a few of the islands Pterodactyls flew the coup.

Thought to have perished over the vast southern seas, reports started to emerge of a huge bird that was all head & beak. A mariner on a coal carrier, a QANTAs pilot.

Scientist were able to calculate the possible destination from where they received the reports. It seems it’s going to the next largest island some 2,300 klm away. An island called Australia.

An island huge in size with a tiny population. Stacks of remote bays & creeks to call home.

InGen, still owned by John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) employ’s the services of a world renowned Natural Historian and brother in real life, Sir David Attenborough.

Fade to interview with Sid David & Brad Walker of the Tapas Bar “Can you describe the animal you saw?

“It was huge. It was all head & beak. The wings seemed to come straight out of its neck”

“Did you say neck Brad”?

“Oh My. I think what you are describing is a Kookadactyl not a Pterodactyl. I attended a dig in the Simpson Desert when they discovered the first complete skeleton of one. Well, it looks like this one was heading home. Fascinating. Some birds & turtles have this ability to head for home although they have never been there. This Kookadactly may be the link for that gene in modern birds & reptiles evolutionary history.

If only I had been here. Oh My, that would be a highlight in my life amongst all others...”

“Want to see a photo”?

“You have evidence of this. You really have a photo”?

And you thought I was joking.

What do you see?
Kookaburra or T Rex

I was sitting on the veranda having a beer or two this evening, listening for Dwayne (that’s what I’ve called my Dwarf Green Tree Frog), anyway, I looked down and I could see the Elephant Man.

Now, I know I wasn’t wearing my glasses, but I may have been looking thru beer goggles,

But I see……..

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL

I yelled at the cat to SIT!!!

I looked up to see Button mutter “Damn, does he realise how hard this is for a bird”

You’ve just finished dinner and your child says what all parents dread.

Mummy, I don’t feel so good.

Doc, I need some help. Some days it feels like I can barely lift my head, almost like my neck’s made of rubber.

Yes Red, not uncommon these days after months of Covid. You’re not the first one to present with these symptoms.

Did you fix the others?

Yes, yes I did my boy.

What did you do?

Well, it wasn’t complicated. I told them to go home and get a cup of cement.

And what??

Drink it.

Why??

To toughen the F#ck up

I treated the staff of the Tapas Bar to a day at Luna Park. We had stacks of fun playing in front of those funny mirrors. It’s the first time in 30 years I’ve been skinny. 

Anyway, Marketing got the idea to do the same at the Tapas Bar. Cedrick & Daphne were the first to try it out. “Hey Cedrick, look at me. I’m just like that skinny arsed Scaly Lorikeet skank from down the reserve you drool over”

That's when the fight started.

Daddy Daddy help me. I’m just hanging here.

Let go of the Bacon Snake son.

No! You’ll grab it. Help me please???

OK, he chuckled.

Button & Boof (Brother & Sister), have replaced Boss & Bashful as the breeding pair, after Boss & Bashful disappeared one day a few years ago. Seems birds don’t have a thing about sleeping with your sister.

Anyway, this year they have presented me with 3 bubs.

And aren't these guys hungry. I'd rather feed them for a day than a week.

No matter which way Boof turns, 

She’s greeted with a big gaping hole.

No one said she couldn’t have some fun along the way.

Yo-Yo feeding – Catch it if you can.

As with all Kookaburras babies, they are clumsy. They can fly OK, but the landing is challenging.

This is their most entertaining time.

Kookaburra Transport.

We’ll move just about anything, anywhere.

Dad, you didn’t tell me landing was so much fun. 

Is this why we laugh? Because I feel like laughing now.

There’s only one thing stopping me from getting to where I want to go Brother.

You.

OH Shit!  Hold on Boof.

Here comes Junior.

Brother, I asked you to move. I begged you to move.

Now, I’ll make you move.

Oops. Sorry Brother. My bad.

Payback's a bitch.

You know the look. You’ve been invited to an ‘Eat All You Can’ smorgasbord.

You get there late and all’s that left is a bit of rice and half eaten fruit.

They say Birds are 3 steps removed from Dinosaurs.

Can you see the lizard?

I gotta tell these Humans I’m not a GOD DAMN SHUTTLECOCK !

You better look out Button. I’m a real ‘Head Banger’.

Yep.

Did you hear me? A real ‘Head Banger’.

Yep

You should be terrified.

Yep.

Squawk. Squawk. Squawk.

Yep.....

I know I’m sitting on your head. It’s what I do to ‘Head Bangers’.

Bloody bird!  Ruined the perfect shot.

Some days,  dark days,  I just feel like just “Throttling Something”.

Button, my Therapist.  He fixes me in minutes.

Well, it’s been such a long time since my last post, I hope the next update isn’t as long.

I hope you enjoyed my sense of humour. Oh, and the photos.

See you next time.

And with that I bid you all a fair adieu..