My Photos...My Sense of Humour...

 

Marketing are working on a new theme for the Tapas Bar.

‘Have a Shot & Fly’

Our Legal Department has a problem with this. Says it sends the wrong message.

Management say “We’re a f#cking Bar & they’re birds. What are they supposed to do? WALK home!”

There’s a rumour that the writers for Jurassic Park are working on another movie.

Jurassic Park and the Lost Pterodactyl.

The premise being;

When they locked down the Island of Isla Nublar, a few of the islands Pterodactyls flew the coup.

Thought to have perished over the vast southern seas, reports started to emerge of a huge bird that was all head & beak. A mariner on a coal carrier, a QANTAs pilot.

Scientist were able to calculate the possible destination from where they received the reports. It seems it’s going to the next largest island some 2,300 klm away. An island called Australia.

An island huge in size with a tiny population. Stacks of remote bays & creeks to call home.

InGen, still owned by John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) employ’s the services of a world renowned Natural Historian and brother in real life, Sir David Attenborough.

Fade to interview with Sid David & Brad Walker of the Tapas Bar “Can you describe the animal you saw?

“It was huge. It was all head & beak. The wings seemed to come straight out of its neck”

“Did you say neck Brad”?

“Oh My. I think what you are describing is a Kookadactyl not a Pterodactyl. I attended a dig in the Simpson Desert when they discovered the first complete skeleton of one. Well, it looks like this one was heading home. Fascinating. Some birds & turtles have this ability to head for home although they have never been there. This Kookadactly may be the link for that gene in modern birds & reptiles evolutionary history.

If only I had been here. Oh My, that would be a highlight in my life amongst all others...”

“Want to see a photo”?

“You have evidence of this. You really have a photo”?

And you thought I was joking.

What do you see?
Kookaburra or T Rex

I was sitting on the veranda having a beer or two this evening, listening for Dwayne (that’s what I’ve called my Dwarf Green Tree Frog), anyway, I looked down and I could see the Elephant Man.

Now, I know I wasn’t wearing my glasses, but I may have been looking thru beer goggles,

But I see……..

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL

I yelled at the cat to SIT!!!

I looked up to see Button mutter “Damn, does he realise how hard this is for a bird”

You’ve just finished dinner and your child says what all parents dread.

Mummy, I don’t feel so good.

Doc, I need some help. Some days it feels like I can barely lift my head, almost like my neck’s made of rubber.

Yes Red, not uncommon these days after months of Covid. You’re not the first one to present with these symptoms.

Did you fix the others?

Yes, yes I did my boy.

What did you do?

Well, it wasn’t complicated. I told them to go home and get a cup of cement.

And what??

Drink it.

Why??

To toughen the F#ck up

I treated the staff of the Tapas Bar to a day at Luna Park. We had stacks of fun playing in front of those funny mirrors. It’s the first time in 30 years I’ve been skinny. 

Anyway, Marketing got the idea to do the same at the Tapas Bar. Cedrick & Daphne were the first to try it out. “Hey Cedrick, look at me. I’m just like that skinny arsed Scaly Lorikeet skank from down the reserve you drool over”

That's when the fight started.

Daddy Daddy help me. I’m just hanging here.

Let go of the Bacon Snake son.

No! You’ll grab it. Help me please???

OK, he chuckled.

Button & Boof (Brother & Sister), have replaced Boss & Bashful as the breeding pair, after Boss & Bashful disappeared one day a few years ago. Seems birds don’t have a thing about sleeping with your sister.

Anyway, this year they have presented me with 3 bubs.

And aren't these guys hungry. I'd rather feed them for a day than a week.

No matter which way Boof turns, 

She’s greeted with a big gaping hole.

No one said she couldn’t have some fun along the way.

Yo-Yo feeding – Catch it if you can.

As with all Kookaburras babies, they are clumsy. They can fly OK, but the landing is challenging.

This is their most entertaining time.

Kookaburra Transport.

We’ll move just about anything, anywhere.

Dad, you didn’t tell me landing was so much fun. 

Is this why we laugh? Because I feel like laughing now.

There’s only one thing stopping me from getting to where I want to go Brother.

You.

OH Shit!  Hold on Boof.

Here comes Junior.

Brother, I asked you to move. I begged you to move.

Now, I’ll make you move.

Oops. Sorry Brother. My bad.

Payback's a bitch.

You know the look. You’ve been invited to an ‘Eat All You Can’ smorgasbord.

You get there late and all’s that left is a bit of rice and half eaten fruit.

They say Birds are 3 steps removed from Dinosaurs.

Can you see the lizard?

I gotta tell these Humans I’m not a GOD DAMN SHUTTLECOCK !

You better look out Button. I’m a real ‘Head Banger’.

Yep.

Did you hear me? A real ‘Head Banger’.

Yep

You should be terrified.

Yep.

Squawk. Squawk. Squawk.

Yep.....

I know I’m sitting on your head. It’s what I do to ‘Head Bangers’.

Bloody bird!  Ruined the perfect shot.

Some days,  dark days,  I just feel like just “Throttling Something”.

Button, my Therapist.  He fixes me in minutes.

Well, it’s been such a long time since my last post, I hope the next update isn’t as long.

I hope you enjoyed my sense of humour. Oh, and the photos.

See you next time.

And with that I bid you all a fair adieu..

Cedrick – The Nasty Lorikeet.

 

Cedrick has been a regular at the Tapas Bar (that’s what I call my bird feeding table) for years now.

And he’s a real character. I love him. He and his mate Daphne, visit daily for months at a time. Although both birds look almost identical, it’s just so easy to identify Cedrick.

He’s the one picking the fight.

Doesn’t care who. Doesn’t care how big. Doesn’t care why. Just doesn’t care.

If any visit to the Tapas Bar while he is In Situ, well, they’re in for it.

He brings such excitement, and some great photo opportunities, every time he's around.

Here are just a few;

This is the classic Lorikeet Block-Head ram.

He has perfected a few fighting strategies, depending on the foe, and his mood at that moment.

The one I find the most amusing is the ‘Block Head’ attack. He uses this method mainly on the Kookaburras.

There are 2 advantages for this type of attack.

The first and most obvious is his use of his ‘Block Head’ as a battering ram. He lowers it, and charges in. Woe betides anyone in the way.

There are a couple of ways to apply the Block-Head ram.
Lower the head and charge like a bull.

If you don't have enough room for a run up,
then there is the Launch method.

Charge method.

Launch Method.

Just Don't get in my Face Method.

It’s his second use I just love the most. I swear, when he’s just about to be bitten, he goes in head first. I think the strategy is to gag the Kookaburra with his big block head, and while gaging, giving Cedrick time to get a hold of the Kookas Beak with his claws. Even though you would bet he’s about to cop a flogging, he wins Every……Single…..Time.

Over the lips and past the gums, look out Kooka  here I come.

It's hard to breathe with a Lorrie Head jammed in your throat.

Give up yet Kooka?
I have you just where I want you.

This is Cedrick's 'Choke Hold'
He's just got to be able to hold his breathe longer than Buster.

Well, maybe not every single time. Occasionally the Kookas say Enough is Enough. There  comes a time when a lesson must be taught.

The Teacher & the Student.

What Lorikeet?
That will teach him.

If that doesn’t work, then the normally passive & understanding Kooka, might give a gentle warning;

Hi. I'm a passive & understanding Kookaburra.
You're getting under my skin. Take this as a gentle warning.

You're still getting under my skin.
Now it's time for me to get under yours.

Well Cedrick, you can go all "Ninja" on me,
but while you're going to try to kick the shit out of me,
I'm going to go all 'Feral' on you, and bite the fuck out of you.

Usually when it gets to this stage, Cedrick concedes and quietens down.

But rarely, and I mean rarely, does Cedrick get under the skin of one of my Kooka and they come in with a case of the dead-set shits.

Sometimes Cedrick needs to be put in his place. This is such an occasion;

There was unusual harmony at the Tapas Bar on this lovely Autumn morning.
Everyone was playing well together. The Kookas had their meat and the Lorries the grapes.
Everyone was happy. When out of nowhere, Cedrick leans over and bites Buster on the back.

Buster flew off for a minute, then charged back with a major case of the shits.
I have never seen anything like this before from my Kookas.

It was like watching the Wide World of Wrestling.
Commentator: “Look at this ladies & gentlemen,
Buster the Bruiser has picked up Cedrick the Nasty in a sleeper Head-Hold”

Commentator: “Look he’s giving Cedrick the Nasty a full body-slam. 
Now you know why they call it the ‘Sleeper Head Hold’ 
Goodnight Cedrick.”

Out of all the birds I hand feed, Cedrick is the only one that worries me. That beak is a weapon & he knows how to use it. When a Kookaburra or Magpie nip you, it’s an accident, and they realise it and let go.

What do they say about biting the hand that feeds you?

While Cedrick’s ‘Block Head’ attack is effective, nothing beats the full on full frontal, ‘Fuck You’ attack.

Hey Buster. Fuck you.

Hey Boof, Fuck you too.

No one is immune from Cedrick's 'Fuck you' attack.
Button is getting his.

Not even Beaky, This years bub. He's only a few months old.
Too young to know better.
But, Cedrick believes, train em when they're young.

Now, I can understand how you might be thinking Cedrick’s animosity is aimed only at the Kookas, as they've been the photos so far. But you'd be wrong. He is truly multi-cultural.

He hates everyone.

Brad the male Satin Bowerbird is about to get his 'Hurry up & Move on' order.

Hey Cedrick. I’m one of you. What? Are you going to bite me?

Yep. That's exactly what I'm going to do.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight.
But the size of the fight in the dog.

The Judge, my local Crested Pigeon was just walking past.
And copped Cedrick's Wrath

Ketut, the Spotted Dove, is such a lovely bird. 
He just slowly ambles around the backyard, without a care in the world making his cooing call. 
That is until he visited the Tapas Bar at the wrong time. 
Haha, did I say he was slow moving.

This was a big surprise.
Talk about Samson and Goliath.

This is a visitor’s welcome. 
Storm has just flown down from New Guinea. He caught the red-eye. 

And is about to get a Cedrick welcome.

Thunder, Storms mate, get's the same Welcome.

Screaming...................

Will.....Not....Help.

As for the relationship between Cedrick & Squirt the Wattlebird, at best, 
it could called fractious.

Squirt the Red Wattlebird has come up with a High Adrenaline Game - Tag Cedrick.

Here's the vid.

https://youtu.be/xoqwamocVdw

By now, you will be getting a pretty fair idea of Cedrick’s personality.

There is side of him that blew me away when I saw it.

Kindness. Yeah, you read right. Kindness.

I was gob-smacked when I saw this.

Not once, but twice (that I saw), he took pity on a hapless Duck, and started feeding it.

He would chew up a grape, walk to the edge of the Tapas Bar, and hang it over the side for the Duck waiting below, to grab from his beak.

Here are the link to both videos. It has to be seen to be believed.

https://youtu.be/u8P6xUpKIy4

https://youtu.be/AX6YgHynfVg

Please Sir?
Can I have some more?

Please Sir, 
I’d be happy with the chewed-up hulk of a grape skin.

OH Sir.  Thank you Sir
Never has I seen such generosity.

So far, we’ve seen Cedrick’s normal side, his compassionate side.

Now for his funny side, at least funny to us.

Boof glances in the direction of Daphne. There’s no agro – Cedrick’s not around.
Well, that’s not quite right. Cedrick was high up in a tree looking at what transpired.
Thinking his damsel was in distress, he swoop’s in to to the rescue.
Adrenaline pumping, he flies in way to fast.
Committed, he had no choice – none at all.
But to do, one Grade-A faceplant.
What did Boof do????? What Kookaburras do.

Sergeant Major Cedrick inspecting his troops.
“I said a STRING LINE! A STRING LINE! 
WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU DOING NUMBER TWO?”

God help us if he ever gets drunk.

Thanks to all that follow my blog, and in this Covid world, I hope you all are well.

Covid is a Bully. And like all Bully’s, we need to stare them down. And like all Bully’s, it won’t prevail.